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Nicktoon Legends (Comedy): Chapters 1-2

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NICKTOON LEGENDS

CHAPTER 1: OF SPONGY SWORDSMEN, WALLABY WIZARDS AND...DOCTOR ZIM

"What the heck? How did we end up in some kind of fantasy RPG land?" Sandy wondered.
"Dunno, but-" Spongebob began and then was interrupted.

"Welcome to the training grounds." some random anonymous knight said. "This is a great spot for newbies to hang out, ya hear? Hell, you don't even need to train here! Just dress up as your favorite RPG character class, saddle up and go!"

"I'm a wallaby wizard! Everyone loves magic!" Rocko said with a somewhat overly cheerful and adorable smile; he was wearing red shoes, his face looked like Harry Potter's, and his blue shirt now had yellow triangles on it. His wizard staff was literally some random stick he found in the forest, and onto the tip of it he had superglued a tennis ball. Fake magic staffs aren't supposed to work, but after literally having the entire encyclopedia of wizardry knowledge crammed into his brain, he assumes that basically anything will work, properly or not.

"I hate you. It sure sucks eggs to be the archer." Squidward groaned; he was dressed like Robin Hood and had an arrow pierced through his nose. "What? It makes me look intimidating." His bow was made out of cheaply decorated fool's gold. "Of course. As you can clearly see, I take pride in accepting only the finest material." Well, it's certainly better than that rubbish excuse for a staff, I'll give it that.

"I AM DOCTOR MARIO AND I WILL KILL YOUR WIVES! 
COME TO ME WHEN YOU'VE BEEN CUT BY LASERS, I MEAN, SHARP KNIVES! BRIGHTLY COLORED PILLS! TAKE UNTIL IT KILLS! 
JUST AS LONG AS YOU'RE READY TO PAY! THE! BILLS! HA! 
IN-VA-DER ZIM! DE-STROYS THE EARTH! 
DEATH FROM A-BOVE! MUHUHAHAHA!
 NOW YOU KNOW MY NAME! THIS IS NOT A GAME! 
ALL YOU FILTHY EARTHLING VERMIN ARE! THE! SAME! HA!" 

Okay, okay, Zim, for the love of God, Jesus, and all that is holy on this freaking Earth, WE GET IT. You're dressed up as Dr. Mario. Also, you have Gir as your assistant...WITH WINGS? SERIOUSLY? Oh, dear God, this is going to be so annoying...

"I AM SPONGEBOB! DESTROYER OF EVIL! EVIL SHALL TREMBLE BENEATH MY MIGHTY BLADE!" Spongebob triumphantly yelled. He was dressed as a Viking warrior with chainmail jeans, silver boots, a beard and mustache, and a Viking warrior helmet with the horns and everything. Also, he had a red cape. His sword appeared to be the only good weapon that the team had. What amazing luck! Why is Spongebob always favored over everyone else?

"So this is our entire team?" Sandy asked.
"Yep."

And with that, they set out on horseback and went to the safe-house marked on their map, which was a giant Adventure Time style treehouse. They trained for exactly one week.

During their training montage, "Eye Of The Tiger" played in the background, cliche for the sake of being cliche. 

Rocko somehow managed to find over 9,000 different ways to accidentally hurt himself with his magic; at one point, he even made God cram forty-two KNOWLEDGE books into his pitiful mortal brain one at a time. "Your stupid mind! Stupid!" God scolded him, pointing a huge blue finger at him.

Spongebob got paid to slice pineapples with a sword (ironic since he lives in one; how the hell is he living on land in this story anyway?) and Sandy always paid attention to him. Clearly, this story is one of Spongebob's physically stronger moments. Sandy practiced her karate and lasso skills as always, even though she was already a master of both.

Squidward was almost as bad at target practice as he was at playing clarinet, and at one point he accidentally killed someone's cow with his atrocious aiming skills. He would need to find a way to pay back the debt for that cow's death, even though he was a flat broke loser.

Last but not least, Zim sang the Dr. Mario theme song at literally every opportunity presented to him. He was pretty funny but didn't do much for the team aside from providing them with space alien medicine that had mostly hallucinogenic effects. Zim's statistics showed that at least 50% of specimens within the Rabid Invader Zim Fangirl species had raging boner crushes on Gir.

Rumor began to spread throughout human society that Dr. Mario was actually a drug dealer, and since humans have a horrible tendency of being absolute idiots, they tried to sue Nintendo for it and ended up getting their asses handed to them. After all, Zim clearly has green skin, even when disguised.

At the end of the training montage, everyone went upstairs and went to bed. However, Rocko sensed that Spongebob was trying to hide something important from him. When he opened the door, he was positively shocked at what he saw.

CHAPTER 2: CRAZY ABOUT ROCKO

"Oh, I see you've been secretly binge-watching my show!" Rocko said with surprise, grabbing the Complete Series DVD case.

"You bet I am! I just discovered this fantastic show and it's been rocking my socks off!" Spongebob said with satisfaction, pausing the show right at the end of the theme song; he was just about to watch the legendary episode "Wacky Delly".

"You don't see awesome shows like this godliness every day, you know. Believe it or not, this series is so darned amazing that I actually kind of feel jealous of you now! Therefore, I declare that I absolutely positively LOVE this show! Best Nickelodeon series EVER!" Spongebob rambled, foaming at the mouth.

"Okay, okay, I get it. You can stop now. Enough drooling over the show like a rabidly obsessed lunatic." Rocko scolded with a smile. "Anyway, back to the previous topic, I see you're really loving my show!"

"Well, yeah, obviously." Spongebob replied. "What do you want me to do now, pardon my asking?" 

"Touch the show." Rocko replied, suddenly going into a trance for no apparent reason. 
"What?" Spongebob replied in confusion.

"LICK THE SHOW..." Rocko continued, staring straight down at the DVD case he was holding with a rather menacingly evil look in his eyes; his tongue was hanging out the side of his mouth and was also positively dripping with saliva. "Lick the show. Lick the show. Lick the show, lick the show. Lick the show. Show. Show. Show. Show. Show. Show..." he began muttering to himself while walking around in a circle with the DVD case gripped tightly in his outstretched hands.

"For crying out loud, what in the holy mother of Neptune does Zim put in those frickin' pills?" Spongebob thought to himself, scratching his helmet. "And I thought the Goofy Goober LSD scandal was bad...I certainly had no idea that people loved Rocko THIS much! What, is he a frickin' narcissist or something?"

"BAWK GAWK! GAWK!" Rocko set the DVD set down on the table and suddenly started making bird noises for literally no reason other than that he presumably saw a small bird pass by through the treehouse window. "I'M A DINGO BAT! I'M A DINGO BAT!"

Slipping even further into insanity, Rocko began flapping his arms up and down like a giant pair of wings as he somewhat drunkenly stumbled back and forth across the room like an idiot, singing about his so-called "dingo-bat wings" in a cringe-worthy, stunningly bad falsetto voice.

"I'M FLAP-FLAP-FLAPPING MY DINGO-BAT WINGS! FLAP-FLAP-FLAPPING MY DINGO-BAT WINGS!!!" At the exact moment when he finished singing his imaginary song, Rocko suddenly saw something through the window. "OH MY GOD IT'S A FLYING FISH!!!"

Unable to think rationally, Rocko jumped right through the window, screaming his brain out. He took a break from screaming for a second to scratch the stinging itch on his brain, then continued screaming as he fell into the lake.

"I have literally no words to describe what in the underwater hell just happened." Spongebob muttered to himself.

Suddenly, Spongebob heard the sound of flapping wings and looked through the window! It was Gir, carrying Rocko's dripping, completely soaked body. "HEY, LOOK, EVERYBODY, I FOUND A DINOSAUR KANGAROO DOGFISH!" Gir rambled cluelessly. "OH MY SWEET PANCAKE LORD, JUST LOOK AT THE SKINNY LITTLE FELLER, HE'S AS TALL AS A GIRAFFE!"

Upon hearing that remark, Rocko's ears perked up as he regained consciousness. "First of all, for the record, I am literally THREE feet tall. Second of all, put me down already and go lift your own weights!"

Gir was deeply angered and offended by that last remark. "YOU'VE...GOT...CHICKEN LEGS!!!" he yelled at the top of his lungs as they both entangled themselves together into a giant ball of dust, stars and fists, rolling all over the floor with rage as they ferociously and violently wrestled with each other to decide who was the better man.

"Nope. Still no words. I give up." Spongebob thought to himself.
"Oops...zat was not medicine! Hehe!" Zim thought to himself out loud.
"There's only so much a wallaby can take!" Rocko yelled, pinning Gir to the floor.

"Zim, sometimes I swear you are dumber than a sack of oranges." Sandy scolded Zim. 

"RAISINS?!" Gir screamed; overheating with excitement, he literally lost his mind (if he even had one to begin with) and started writhing on the floor wildly like a complete AR-TARD. "YOU FRICKIN' RAISINS?! SONIC, URRRGH!!! FRICK! FRICK-OW-FRICK! FRIIICK! URGH, FRICK! THIS IS FRICKIN' STUPID!! URR, CURSE YOUUU!!! CURSE YOU SONIC FAN-BASE!!!" Rocko just rolled on the floor laughing at Gir's hilariously flawless SammyClassicSonicFan impersonation.

"Purple, orange, and green! You know what I mean! My pills are the nastiest you've ev-er seen! HA! BOW DOWN TO ME! BOW DOWN TO ME AND ONLY ME! FOR I AM DOCTOR ZIM! MUHUHAHAHA! (cough, cough)" Zim theatrically boasted to the heavens. "YOU FILTHY SEMI-HUMAN EARTHLING SCUM! YOU PATHETICALLY FEEBLE-MINDED UNWASHED VERMIN SHALL NOW BEAR WITNESS TO THE ALMIGHTY AND POWERFUL UBER-MAJESTY AND WICKEDLY AWESOME SUPREME ULTRA-GLORY OF MY BEAUTIFUL D- GAAAAH! PEPPER SPRAY! UM...BAD NIGHT, EVERYONE!"

Zim fainted and fell asleep. With no more Zim to bother them for the rest of the night, everyone else went to sleep as well. Gir was locked inside a steel coffin for the night to prevent him from ransacking the fridge and eating all the food.













This is easily without a doubt my best fanfic idea yet. It's a genius parody, not only of fantasy RPGs but also of pop culture and sitcoms in general.
STARRING:
Zim as Dr. Mario
Rocko as the wizard
Spongebob as the hero
Sandy as the leader
Gir as...himself
Squidward as the archer
© 2015 - 2024 xandermartin98
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